


Carrots and That

by Fyre



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Gneil's Anniversary GO Gift, when you live to regret your decision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyre/pseuds/Fyre
Summary: Sometimes a negative action can have a positive result.
Comments: 47
Kudos: 156
Collections: Good Omens Lockdown fics





	Carrots and That

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't watched Neil's [Good Omens anniversary present](https://youtu.be/quSXoj8Kob0), do so now or this will make no sense. Also, 'ware the swears :D

"What the fuck was that?" Mickey gasped, staggering under the weight of the boxes.

Sammy - who was keeping exactly two metres away from him - shook his head, his mouth opening and shutting without making a sound.

"I mean what the _fuck_ was that?" Mickey said again.

Easy job! Bookshop. Old books. Worth a fortune, some of them. They'd gone in the back, since it was all closed up. No one to pay attention. No one to notice.

No one...

No one except apparently whatever the fuck that was!

"Ah!" It had beamed like sunlight and was all glowy and bright. "Humans!"

Mickey'd never admit to shitting himself. Definitely not. But when some bloody great glowy thing - oh Jesus Christ the _eyes_! THE FUCKING EYES! - called you "human", there were... things your body did without asking permission first.

Sammy definitely hadn't climbed up his back. Definitely not. Or panicked. "You know," the... whatever the fuck it was... said, "you really shouldn't be out and about just now. You could get sick."

"Yeah," Mickey remembered gargling out. "Sick. Bad. Yeah."

Kind of hard to back out the open door with a 6'2 brick shithouse clinging to you like you're his mum.

"So you'll go home, then?" Was it smiling? It had been bloody hard to tell. "Jolly good! And make sure to stay in, won't you, there's a good chap?" It must've had hands because it clapped them. "We do keep an eye on these things."

"Home." Mickey squeaked. Sammy was almost out the door. He was too. "Yeah. Home."

"Oh!"

Mickey flinched, half-expecting flames and teeth and Christ knew what else.

Instead, the... thing had shoved a box in his hands. Then another. And another. Until he was tilting forward and staggering under the weight of them.

"You can take these with you! I'm sure you can make sure they get to the right people."

Rocks? Curses? Amulets? Some... weird shit that glowy monsters kept in bookshops? He hadn't asked. Hadn't even looked. Just croaked and backed out the door with Sammy and the boxes. Could've dropped them when they fled, but...

But...

_We do keep an eye on these things._

Christ on a cracker...

They got to the van in one piece and Sammy yanked the doors open, then pulled a bottle...

"Where the fuck did you get hand-sanitiser?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sammy wailed. "IT JUST SHOWED UP IN MY POCKET."

_Keep an eye on these things._

Shit biscuits.

Mickey set the boxes down cautiously, as if they might explode. Very carefully, he lifted the lid off the top one. It...

"Cake?"

Mickey nodded, staring. he lifted the box to one side and opened the next. The sodding thing was packed with bread. Loaves and loaves of bread. The next had biscuits. They smelled _amazing_. "What the fuck...?"

"What do we do with that?" Sammy said, sounding a bit less shaky now they weren't showered with bees or locusts or _something_.

"Dunno." Mickey sat down on the edge of the van, heart going like a duracell bunny.

Sammy fidgetted. "He said to get it to the right people," he said. "Like maybe people what need it?"

Mickey nodded slowly. Yeah, that sounded right.

Keep an eye on these things.

"Could drop some in to the Burkes," he said. "They must get through loads with all the kids. And old Mr. Patil. Don't think his family can get stuff for him."

"And Kasia down in flat sixteen," Sammy's expression brightened. "I think she'd like some cake."

Mickey grinned at him. "Any excuse to talk to her, eh?" He reached out to smack Sam on the arm, then hesitated. Two metres, wasn't it? He shuffled a bit further away on the van bed. "We should get a roll of poly bags from Tesco. Seal everything up safe."

Sammy nodded. "We'll be like Santa. With cake."

Mickey grinned crookedly. "Yeah."

Or like some weird glowy magic thing who gave them food for all their neighbours.

Normal blokes didn't get weird glowy magic things, but who said what was normal? The world definitely wasn't right now.

He got up. "And maybe we can pick up some bits and pieces for them as well. Just cake isn't going to help anyone."

"Carrots and that?"

"Yeah, Sam. Carrots and that."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Carrots and That](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23948248) by [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion)




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